Tuesday, 8 April 2008

London for Dummies :: Begone the Meanderthal

K and I have been slowly formulating an "Idea!" to create a book/pamphlet or something to guide the uninitaited through the funny little things that go on in London, which every seasoned Londoner knows about, yet nobody ever tells you.

If only there was a compulsory test at all UK immigration points to check any visitor/newcomer had at least this amount of knowledge, it would make my life a whole lot happier :)

So here's my first entry, entitled: Begone the Meanderthal!

Definition: See the Urban dictionary entry

Habitat: Usually congregating around Oxford and Regent Streets, the common London Meanderthal are also to be found in tight congregations around Tube Station and Bus Exits. They generally surface when the Londoner is late for a train, meeting, or dying for a pint.

Combatting the menace: The majority of Londoners tend to smash straight through a Meanderthal gathering, muttering and stomping on feet/bags/any loose appendages. While this causes a temporary weakening of the Meanderthal herd, the herd quickly regroups to protect the outsiders.

Survival: For a Meanderthal to survive in the wilds of London, it is advisable for them to: a. pull off to the side of the street if lost or undecisive of their destination; b. always move away from exits to stations/buses/stores on exiting and regroup in a more defendable position; c. avoid wandering at times when Londoners be hunting en masse - between 8 and 10 am, and 4pm to 6pm

For the rest of this series, follow the "London for Dummies" tags

2 comments:

  1. So true... and what about people who can't walk in straight lines!

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  2. Mm yes the sub species of Meanderthal Wanderis. Forgot about those :)

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